People look at me as though I have three heads when I say I have enjoyed every part of this process, from losing weight, to going to the gym to eating differently. There is often a negative connotation associated with transforming one’s eating habits/lifestyle. (Ok, who am I kidding, there is a negative connotation with transforming one’s eating habits/lifestyle). I never wanted to add pressure to what I was doing; it took me a long time to even admit that I was trying to harness my patterns and make sense of them. Trying to lasso an understanding as to why I was living a certain way was incredibly difficult and I feared that by doing so, I would commit myself to something for which I wasn’t ready.
I adopted a set of rules that I was certain I would abide by, all stemming from the same doubt of whether or not I could really do this. After the initial shock that I was in this to really become healthy, (shocker, I know), I vowed to myself that this would be a slow and steady progression that would not entail me succumbing to pressure from which an easy recovery would be scarce. I refused to invest in a scale, a decision that while at the time seemed another way I wouldn’t conform to the pressures of dieting, was an unwise one, one I wholly regret (as I still do not know my starting weight). I eventually overcame this as well, knowing it was a responsible action to have an accurate idea of where I was weight-wise.
The first couple of weeks were hard; between trying to incorporate healthier food items into my diet and holding my breath as I drove past McDonald’s, I decided to eradicate all that was once familiar and good to me and go totally cold turkey in terms of food. While limiting procrastination by jumping headfirst into an endeavor is sometimes a good idea, this was perhaps a foolish concept for I found not wanting certain foods was harder as opposed to steadily weaning myself off them. However, with this health expedition, I learned a slew of informative facts, one of them being, simply put, deprivation = death. Every now and again, if I’m in line at the grocery store and I have a craving for Twix, that chocolate bar is on that conveyor belt; if Carvel hasn’t seen me in a while (and by this, I mean a month or two), I’m in there like swimwear. I realized that it wasn’t about saying no, it was about when to say no.
One habit that I (almost subconsciously) formed was limiting my meals during the day. This only lasted for a short time however and soon I was eating three full meals (healthy portion control) with hale and hearty snacks during the afternoon. To replace physically reducing my food intake, I mentally kept track of everything I had eaten that day and sighed a huge sigh of relief when I knew that I had conquered yet another day of healthy eating! I found myself honestly looking forward to planning my day around healthy eating patterns.
I have maintained some of my rules; I have discarded others. I still assert that this has been and will continue to be a steady and slow progression. Affirming this fact enables me to not feel pressured but yet to realize that instant gratification is perhaps the most dangerous impediment in the struggle to stay fit (in all aspects of the word). I now have grown more comfortable with weighing myself, yet I have not given in to the common societal standards that dictate how young girls/women should look. I spend the extra 1.50 for a Twix bar knowing that this will be my last one for a while; relying on the just as good Green and Black’s bar sitting lonesome in my fridge.
I remember saying to myself, “Kate, if you’re going to do this, you’re going to do this the right way.” God knows, I haven’t yet died from trying.
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